Responding
to Disaster Victims
Validation: "This is an awful (tragic,
heartbreaking, horrible, overwhelming, etc.) event (situation, tragedy,
accident, disaster, etc.)."
Validation helps people come to terms with the extent of what’s happened
and is comforting.
Empathy: "I hear/see your distress (stress, fear,
anger, frustration, sadness, grief, shock, etc.)."
This
acknowledgement is a way of accompanying someone through a tragedy and lets
them know you recognize how they feel. A
word of caution – don’t say you understand
if you haven’t been through the exact same thing, and if you have, don’t
focus on your own war story. Stay
present with them.
Specific Support: "I'm here to listen" "Can
I help you pull carpet (pull sheetrock, wash clothing, etc."
"Can I bring you water (bleach, food, coffee, etc." or "How
about if I charge your phone for you (bring your work crew lunch, bring you
FEMA forms, etc.)." Offer concrete
things that fit the situation and that you are able to do.
For people who appear
to be struggling to cope: "I know someone
(a counselor, pastor, organization, program, etc.) who can help you get through
this, can I give you their information (call them for you, take you there, bring
them here, etc.)."
How NOT
to Respond
“You’re
alive, that’s what counts” or “At least you weren’t hurt or killed.” This is
true, but it minimizes and invalidates their feelings of loss or grief. It IS
ok to say “I’m glad you survived” or “I’m thankful you didn’t get hurt.”
“Let
me know if there is anything I can do,” or “What can I do to help?” When someone is dealing with disaster it can
be difficult to know where to start or what you need. Be specific in your offer of what you can do
for someone.
“This
is just stuff, it can be replaced.”
While this is rational, it discounts the connections or memories or work
put into obtaining the things the person lost.
Just
say “I’m sorry you lost your possession (home, car, etc.).”
“Look
on the bright side” or “Good things will come of this”. There is often growth or silver linings to
tragedies, but it is important to allow people to come see those things in their own time as they process what
has happened.
“Well
you should have evacuated (moved you car, protected your house, lived somewhere
else, etc.” This implies that it’s that
person’s fault they are in a disaster.
No one wants to be a victim of disaster. It’s not your place to decide
what they should have done, and it’s not supportive or constructive.
“You
shouldn’t be so upset” or “Suck it up and deal with this” or “Pull yourself up
by your bootstraps.” It takes time for
people to move from reaction to coping, and everyone is different in how they
navigate crisis. Advising them to
suppress their reaction will prolong their recovery.
prepared by Jackie Reese, Employee Assistance Counselor
